All over the globe middle class couple are left with no choice but to seek some sort of an employment for their better future. The main reason for this phenomenon is economic compulsions. They mostly come from low middle class families having no economical backing. They have a dream of their own. That is to have some decent shelter of their own in addition to certain material comforts which they might not have had as children and also enjoy the bliss of having children.
In Countries like India, migration from villages to the towns and especially cities to make a better living is the root cause of all problems. The very definition of better living is changed drastically over a period of time.
Villages are neglected most. The Government hasn’t bothered to provide even certain basic amenities like good roads, good schools and clean drinking water at least forget about uninterrupted electric supply. As such real the builders and real estate agents have taken undue advantage of the people’s migration to the towns and cities and exploited their weakness by increasing the cost of the land exponentially high.
Gone are the days of possessing independent houses as far as middle class families are concerned. Matchbox type apartments at sky rocketing prices have come into picture. The definition of entertainment and life style have changed over the years. Gone are the days of joint families and enter nuclear families. Quality living conditions is overtaken by artificial status living conditions. Now everything revolves around status that is interlinked with money. Aping everything western has become the accepted standard of living.
In the changed circumstances the struggle starts right from the honeymoon whether they can afford it or not. Later they think of having some decent furniture. It is the beginning of their instalments journey. They buy the furniture in instalments after renting an apartment. They tally the balance sheet. Then they buy a vehicle (mostly two wheeler) in instalment. They tally the balance sheet once again. They may wait for a year or two to have a child. Now the family of two becomes a family of three in addition to recurring furniture and vehicle payments. Their monthly expenditure gets increased. The process of tallying the balance sheet continues. In the mean time they may get annual increment and even promotion depending upon their educational qualifications, performance and also depending upon the employer’s financial status.
They face the immediate problem of their child care when they are at work. It is not necessary that every parent has their parents to take care of the grand children. Invariably they either engage a baby sitter exclusively for them or keep the child at a day care centre. Baby sitters are doing their job out of economic compulsions and not out of affection for the children. So the problems of the parents and that of the child gets compounded.
Indian male is far more egoistic than his wife. He considers himself as a king and treats his wife like a servant. A working woman is not a robot but after all a human being. She has to perform the balancing act of the circus practically everyday. How can she handle domestic chores,take care of her husband and the child/children , work in office and be happy,cheerful and patient all the time. A working woman undergoes all the problems faced by a working male in addition to some other hurdles. Her husband needs to be compassionate. He should help her in the domestic chores. He is doing no favour to her but contributing for their mutual happiness. Then only marital life will be happy,cheerful and peaceful.
It is left to the mercy of the baby sitter whether to give the entire food to the child handed over by the parents or to give part of it. The baby sitter may or may not take care of the child properly. Most of the time the baby sitter may ignore the child under her care in all respects. The child can’t express his/her dissatisfaction being very small. The child’s problems keep on increasing. The parents may resort to changing the baby sitters quite frequently if available. Picking up the child from baby sitter is another headache due to ever increasing traffic problems or due to the problems of public transport or their vehicle. The tension keeps on increasing.
The couple may think of buying an apartment after some years. Buying an apartment in the prime locality is beyond their means. So they buy a match box type of an apartment at a slightly far off place that too on instalments. Again the tallying of the balance sheet and the struggle to survive continues. In the mean time they have their own ego hassles. They quarrel for silly reasons which they consider as huge problems. The child is grown up a bit. The child has problems in school, baby sitter problems and the problem of parents due to frequent quarrels. The parents may eventually break up and the child’s future goes for a toss. The child develops inferiority complex mainly due to baby sitter’s attitude and lack of parental care to begin with and slowly all other problems get added. The child is sure to end up either as a failure in life or lead an average or below average life in future. This is the bitter fact of modern life of a middle class family in a city or a town.
Blessed are those people who are lucky to have their aged parents with them to take care of their grand children. Unfortunately some couples ill treat their parents forgetting how their parents took care of them with affection for bringing them to this stage.
Marriage is not a sexual time bound contract. It’s a divine bonding between a male and a female blessed by the elders to live a long life together with respect, mutual understanding, care and affection. It’s a heavenly experience which has many ups and downs in life.
No one is 100 % good or 100 % bad in this life. There are shades of good and bad qualities in everyone of us. Only percentage varies. In the marriage system if the wife yells the husband is not supposed to yell back. The number of such occurrences may end up in a divorce causing endless problems. Many couples have broken up due to silly egoistic fights and made their lives miserable. In the event of one person yelling the other person should calm down else they may get entangled with physical beating also.
One has to understand that marriage is nothing but compromise. No two different personalities match 100% on one to one basis. Personalities are bound to clash. It simply doesn’t matter whether it is an arranged marriage or love marriage. Love marriage is mostly based on infatuation and temporary understanding rather than true love. Love marriages will certainly be effective if the love birds indulge in thorough understanding and develop long lasting bonding rather than fulfilling sexual urge.
Working Parents should realize that they should never ignore their kids in their race for earning the money lest they lose their kids for ever. Their earning will end in endless mess for their family. No matter however busy the Parents may be,they should spend some quality time with their children everyday. They should also understand the difference between pampering and loving the kids else it’s the end of their happiness.
Just now i.e on 1st December 2011, I saw on American TV that a baby sitter was arrested in east Harlem, New York after she disappeared with a toddler for 8 hours keeping the parents under extreme tension not even answering the telephone calls. This is just one instance. There were, there are, there will be numerous such instances detrimental to the very purpose the baby sitters are meant.
“Marriage is like a bullock cart. If one of the bullocks is imbalanced that’s the end of the story . Have a nice understanding of marriage and live like friends for lifelong. This is the success mantra of blissful MARRIAGE”
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